Tuesday, March 27, 2012


I woke up this morning shivering in panic.  I'm going to have a baby soon.  I have no idea how to have a baby.  That's not strictly true, of course.  I know how to give birth.  Assuming their comments were not rhetorical encouragement, everyone said I was pretty darn good at pushing last time.  I think I remember most of what to do.  The part that freezes me with dread is the part I don't know about - the part where I spend the next day in the hospital with a baby, instead of with a body.  The part where I take home a baby, instead of several potted plants.  The part where I start my life fresh with a new human being, instead of trying to hold my old life together in the wake of unforeseen tragedy.

Melodramatic?  A little.

But when I got out of bed and walked through the nursery-cum-study to go downstairs, I was struck by the warm sunlight pouring over the cradle, the changing table, and the bins of baby items.  How absolutely wonderful it was, to be having a baby in the spring, in a nursery with eastern-facing windows, so that the sun bathes everything in this soft, warm light.

Now if we could just decide on a name.

No comments:

Post a Comment