Thursday, August 9, 2012

This pain that never goes away

I took Silas to the car show in town today.  I don't know anything about cars, but we walked up and down the streets, and I said, "There's a red one, and a blue one, and a white one . . ."

Someone shouted my name and came running up.  I can't remember her name for the life of me, but she was in my childbirth class when I was pregnant with Gabriel.  She congratulated me on the new baby and we chatted for a bit, and I tried not to stare too much at her little boy.  Gabriel would be his age, give or take a couple weeks.  Gabriel would be scrambling out of his stroller, and toddling along the street holding his daddy's hand.  Gabriel would be so big . . .

He's been on my mind for the past couple days.  I had to take a bathroom break at work yesterday to cry it out.  I've grown another year older without him today, and it doesn't feel like a very happy birthday.

He's always there, of course.  He's all over this house.  I carry him with me everywhere, and he's in Silas, too

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